Gay Is the New Straight

In next Sunday’s New York Times Magazine this article about kids coming out in middle school will appear. I’ve seen this phenomenon written about before in major publications, proving that it is in fact becoming a more and more common occurrence. This article is long and a little meandering at times, but it’s worth a read. It raises a few concerns but generally takes a positive view of what these kids are doing, and I am in agreement.

Most gay people I know (and I also have some personal experience in the matter) have known they were gay since puberty, which could be as young as perhaps 10 years old. I myself knew since I was about 13. I use the word knew rather than “had a feeling” or some other such phrase in order to convey certainty. I was certain I was gay since the age of 13, but I didn’t come out until I was 18. I know many others who similarly waited until college to come out. I raise this point about certainty because I know the most common issue people will take with this article is that these teenagers are too young to know how they feel. I agree that teenagers are often confused about their identity, how they want to dress, what music they want to listen to, etc, but I think most of you out there who have been teenage boys will agree that one thing that was crystal clear at that age was who you were attracted to. In fact, most of your day was probably taken up by this attraction. The same is true for most of the teens who are now coming out of the closet. Sure, some may have a more fluid identity as they grow up, but many of them wont, and it is wrong for their parents to insist they are going through a phase or that they are too confused to know what they want. Heterosexual teens do not usually have to explain their attraction to teens of the opposite sex to their parents.

However, the real value of this new trend is that it is allowing gay teens to have a “normal” adolescence. Rather than having to hide how they feel and keep secrets from friends and family, they can date other gay teens and have immature middle school and high school relationships. While from my own memory of middle and high school these relationships often seemed trivial and wrought with pointless drama, they are ultimately useful in developing what one wants in a relationship and in a mate. Many gay teens, including myself, didn’t get to have these experiences. Instead they waste years and years of time until they’re in a place where they feel like they can come out. It just makes more sense and I believe it is healthier for the kids to just come out when they know they’re are gay, rather than carrying it around and compartmentalizing that side of their life from everyone else.

Another concern some will have is that this will lead to increases in bullying in schools. I’m sure in many instances it has, but I also know that other kids will make fun of you for being gay whether or not you’re out of the closet if you seem at all different. Your actual sexual orientation doesn’t have much to do with it in the end. At least when these kids get older they wont have to wonder “what if?”